Satan’s got my number.

Hi again, stranger.

Here we are again after a two-month hiatus. Tisk tisk.

Well, I’ve recently been told, nudged, NAGGED that I need to get back on the blogging wagon.

I won’t name any names but you know who you are, you menacing friends and family who clearly care about my writing career and me too much. *sentimental wink*

OK, I’ll oblige. After all, summer’s hectic-osity is over. I’ll no longer be held hostage in a sweaty 1980s RV every weekend.

(Not to sound ungrateful for the experience… If my father-in-law is reading this, I do honestly appreciate your lending it to us for the summer. I know my boys truly enjoyed it. I did too, the beach, the campfires, the family BBQs. I just didn’t sleep well, is all. And I’m a sleep snob. I know this. Sans my beauty sleep, I’m the beast. Rarrr. Sounds more like a lion. I’ll work on it.)

Anyway. No excuses. (Except paid writing jobs. Those take precedence.)

I’ll follow that little “I’m back” self pep talk of sorts with this tidbit, perfect for the Halloween season:

A number with all zeroes called me today. Literally all zeroes.

My iPhone was all abuzz with 000-000-0000.


Only one person could do this.

I’m convinced it was Satan.

Lucifer Q. Smith.

The antichrist.

The ole Angel of Darkness is at it again. Playing a typical prank on the unbaptised girl. Who else could pull it off? Who else would have access to such a ridiculously fake number?

Needless to say I didn’t answer and Benny Beelzebub didn’t leave a message.

If he wants to get my attention, he’s going to have to work harder than that. He’ll need to pull some Insidious shit and talk to Kellan over the intercom in demonic tongue.

Otherwise, you’re wasting your time big guy.

I was never besprinkled with God’s water as a wee child and I ain’t afraid of no ghosts.

Can you hear me now?

Can you hear me now?


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6 Responses to Satan’s got my number.

  1. Keir says:

    Satan loves when you capitalize the “I” in “Insidious.” I would expect that call won’t be your last….

  2. Joan Hickey says:

    One definition of Satan: The kind of person who reads a really funny blog and then comments on what he perceives to be a mistake in grammar. Just sayin’.

    • Keir says:

      Careful or you may be getting a call from caller ID 666-666-6666. As a connoisseur of scary movies, I am embarrassed by my gaffe on “Insidious.” Alas, I have unwittingly stumbled on the fact that my vast knowledge of the genre ends at about 1985.

  3. Jim Hickey says:

    Hey, “Fright Night” is now in full swing at the State Fairgrounds, I’m sure they’re always looking for good scary people. It sounds like you’ve improved your growling since your last failed application.

    • keir says:

      wouldn’t say i “failed,” just that i was ahead of my time. they couldn’t even comprehend my abilities. probably still can’t.

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