Oh hey. It’s been a while. I’m raring to go as a direct result.
Side-ish note: Totally thought it was spelled “rearing” as in “rearing to go” all my life. Until just now. Just googled it to be sure and damn, it seems I’ve been “rearing” my way through life thus far. Going through life ass first? Hmm, this explains a lot.
Welp. I feel like airing some pet peeves today.
Hold on to your emmer effin hats. Not really. Eh, kind of.
And the brief PP list is as follows. Dot dot dot.
1. People who use this phrase: “I could care less.”
Nope, you couldn’t. It’s “I couldn’t care less.” By saying you could care less, you’re saying you do, in fact, care when the whole point of using this phrase, the whole reason this phrase was ever invented, ever spoken by God knows who, God knows when, is to say you really don’t care at all. Catch my drift? You don’t care, you’re using it incorrectly, and dammit, you sound idiotic.
And chances are, you’re reading this and you really couldn’t care less. Touché, my friend. Touché.
2. Sorbet. Sorbet pisses me right off.
Quite frankly, its very existence is an insult to my sweet tooth. I crave a fatty, creamy, rich frozen treat when I reach into the depths of my freezer late at night. One that’s going to make me feel REALLY guilty in the morning when I’m soaping up the vat from whence I ate it. (Probably not the best use of English in that sentence. Eh, I could care less. I really could though, that sentence bothers me.)
What I do NOT want is some colorful shell of a dessert with a puny caloric weight. Please. You’re all surface. A facade of deliciousness. Nothin’ to ya. Might as well suck on an ice cube. Or on the ice cube tray itself. About the same enjoyment there. Maybe even more if something good rubbed up or spilled on the tray in the freezer. Raw meat or old breast milk? Mmm. Tasty.
3. People who take more photos of scenery than people on their vacations.
No. Noooo. Please don’t do this. Just don’t. I can’t stand when people share a million photos of scenery on their vacay. No one wants to see more than two. A beautiful shore. An amazing sunset. The view from your hotel. A really weird bird eating another really weird bird. Something of historical (yawn) relevance. Choose two. That’s it. Then go ahead and take pics of the people you’re with. You know, those living, breathing human beings who are far more fascinating to record via the fine art of photography than displays at the World’s Oldest Ant Farm you visited yesterday. I mean, people like looking at other people. It’s a fact. Women like to study other women’s bodies to look for flaws and see where they accumulated any fat and men like to look at those places of fat.
It’s a simple formula. Take pics of people and other people will enjoy looking at your photos. No rocket science necessary. I don’t care if you have to take photos of strangers because the people you’re with are too boring to look at. Just. Shoot. People. (Wow. Taken out of context that sounds really bad.) Even boring people are more fun to look at than landscapes.
Ok. I’ve said my piece. I feel better already. Whew! What a relief.
Join me. I dare you. Nah. There’s nothing daring about it. It feels damn good is all.
Share your PPs with me. (I say this to Kellan, too, but it means something else referring to potty training.) And if you answer with, “This blog.”, I will cry and include you in my next set of peeves.