Brazier vs. Brassiere. Which is better for the lady lumps?

In regards to yesterday’s post where I mentioned wearing a brazier instead of brassiere, I want to be sure I set everyone straight.

A “brazier” is a cooking utensil in which food is exposed to heat through a wire grill. To be clear, I was not in fact wearing a brazier (or two, you’d have to have one for each breast, I assume) in my story. And I do not currently wear braziers now. I’m neither a sadomasochist nor Madonna. I believe the peanut butter would have bubbled over into a repugnant black goo or exploded (I barely passed Chemistry in high school) had I been sporting a brazier. That would have led to a much more exciting story. In that regard, I kinda wish I had been wearing one. Dammit I wish I had thought of that at the time. And I consider myself creative. Pssshhht.

Either way. My apologies for using the wrong term for an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder.

I hope you will continue to read (roll your eyes/scoff at) my ramblings despite this vocabulary blooper. I promise it won’t happen again. Sorry, my fingers were crossed behind my back. It’ll happen again. How could it not? The English language is a rat’s nest, even for those for whom it is a first language. (See, confusing English right there. I’m not even sure that sentence is correct.) You’ve caught my drift. I’ll leave it at that.

brazier

No.

bra

Yes.

Madonna

Madonna is the exception.

Here are a couple links to fun pages I happened upon while googling braziers this morning. Enjoy.

One’s a poem by Shel Silverstein, “They Put a Brassiere on a Camel” – a great one to share with the kids. Maybe even a beach-softener for those with girls approaching the bra-wearing age? Start the bra/birds/bees convo out with an adorable poem by one of the most renowned literary geniuses in America. Brilliant. Just trying to help out my fellow parents out there.

The History of the Bra, a cutesy infographic. Side note: I love reading the comments on pages like this. Scroll to the bottom of this one. Everyone is flexing their right and left brain on the boob facts presented in the infographic while Mukund Kulkarni posts What is aim of human life? You’re on the wrong site if you’re seriously looking for the answer to that one, pal. Better luck next time. You’re better off reading a Shel Silverstein poem.

 

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4 Responses to Brazier vs. Brassiere. Which is better for the lady lumps?

  1. Joan Hickey says:

    As your Mom, and ergo a person who is always supposed to “have your back”, I will regret forever that I unwittingly jeopardized your already shaky high school chemistry grade. It was Open House, 1999. Your chemistry teacher was there and she was wearing a loose fitting jumper. I approached her, introduced myself and asked her when her baby was due. She sweetly told me that she wasn’t pregnant. And then she said, “Who’s mother are you again?” She then took out a little notebook from one of the many jumper’s pockets and a red pen from another and quickly wrote something. (These last two sentences are not true, but live on in a recurring nightmare manufactured in the mind of a guilty mom.) Also, another interesting side not, when I was 15 I had to wear a formal dress to a chorus performance, and because money was always a problem, I was forced to wear my Aunt Josephine’s Eastern Star dress which had a bustierre (sp?) that actually did have 2 braziers built into it which caved in completely with any kind of chest-tochest contact.

    • nellclaire says:

      My poor chemistry teacher. It was bad enough she had to try to make sense of my chemistry mumbo jumbo (I made up answers, mainly, and added new elements to the periodic table of elements), but then she had to sit back and take insults from my mother.

      To your second comment: I REALLY wish you had a picture of said dress.

  2. Kara says:

    Thanks for taking my comment and turning it into this wonderfully funny post. 🙂 Us grammar/spelling Nazis are a highly misunderstood group.

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